If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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