then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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