dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
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Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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