I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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