The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
