I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
