Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
