I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
