Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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