Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
