Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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