One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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