i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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