Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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