farters have to be the big spoon...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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