my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
