The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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