Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Will exercising make me less horny?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
