I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
