How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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