ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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