I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
