Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
