Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He has the fingertips of a God
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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