I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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