i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This is classic penis vs brain.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
