The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
