i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
