he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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