I'm lost and stupid without you.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
