He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
