I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
