The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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