my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
