Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
