a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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