The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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