Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
