I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
