I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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