please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
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I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I could fuck to npr.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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