One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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