the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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