I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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