Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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