Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
