There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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