Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
