At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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