this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
