I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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