I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
