Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
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You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
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The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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