I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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