Betty ford says i'm here all night
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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