While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this beer tastes like vomit already
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
