I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
