This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
