I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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