this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
