she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
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Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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