OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
