If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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