I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
NoShamevember. You game?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
