I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
