In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
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I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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