did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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