Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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