So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
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who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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