Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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